Ready to Post

Ok, so.

For the second week running I got a STS on the SW scales. To say I was gutted is a complete understatement. Especially after the previous weeks results.
I really made a conscious effort to stick to the plan, to exercise and drink lots of water to help compensate for the exercise. And it’s made zero difference.I just cant believe a week like I had just had could produce a result the same as over christmas! (I think I mentioned that in a previous post, but I'm just so incredulous about it!!)
I rushed out of the meeting, and tears started to well. Then I realised I had left my book on the table in the class room and had to quickly pull myself together and go back and get the book. Then as soon as I left the tears started and this time didn’t stop for a good while.
I know it sounds dramatic, but this really is a big thing for me at the moment. Especially as really I need to lose weight in order to up my chances of conceiving.

I drove myself home, and was consoled by my wonderful husband for 10 minutes until the tears dried up. He is such a love. Telling me to keep going and I'm doing so well not to let 2 weeks spoil what I had achieved so far. He's right. But I will admit here my motivation and willpower are slowly eroding with every bad result. My head's telling me to give up but my heart knows its right to keep going.I really want to do well.
I have never been so motivated before, and I don’t want to give up like I would have in the past. I don’t want to slip into old habits and end up putting the weight back on and more. I’m fighting my old instincts at the moment and its hard work.
I know it works, as I’ve lost 17lb already, I’m just at a complete loss as to why it hasn’t worked in the last 2 weeks. I really genuinely am.

On another note, after timing everything to perfection I got a BFN in January (big fat negative). I was really so sure this would be the month for me and hubby... but its not to be.
Now we are going into our 6th month of TTC, and the longer it goes on the more I start to worry that something is wrong.
All in all we’re 2 healthy people (bar the couple of stone I need to lose), we eat healthily and both exercise. I’m taking supplements, have stopped drinking and nearly totally cut out caffeine. I don’t know that I could be doing much more to help so it is getting worrying.

Anyway I’m repeating myself here, I’ve said all of this already and I don’t want to keep going over it so the next time I post will (fingers crossed) be when I have some good news to tell.