Is a diet really a diet without hunger pangs? I dont feel like I'm really pushing (punishing) myself unless I'm getting hunger pangs. Whilst most endure them as an unpleasant side effect of dieting, I myself relish them. It feels like I am actually doing something right if I'm feeling hungry and my stomach is growling at me. They are rather unfortunate when its quiet in the office, or you're in a meeting. I might try to cover them up with a little cough or throat clear but by that point its too late, everyones heard the growl already.
Anywho I'm getting a little side tracked here. What exactly are hunger pangs, I mean physically what are they. Is it your stomach telling you it needs food? Or is it your stomach trying to process food and making a noise because theres nothing there to process? Well whatever they are I've been getting a lot of them lately. They usually come around the same time I start to feel a little light headed and nauseous and I admit, a little sick. I havent been eating enough the last few days, I know I havent and I'm not naive enough to think this is ok because its not. I just cant see any other way, aside from cutting off a limb, to lose weight. My body is resisting and holding onto this extra chunk for all its worth! When I first went on slim fast I lost weight quite quickly, now its slowed right down. I have bought an exercise bike and upped the amount I exercise and hopefully this will speed things up again.
How do celebs lose weight so easily? Everytime I buy a magazine its all 'x loses a stone in a month' etc etc. HOW?? Is there a hollywood secret they're not letting us in on? Did I miss the memo? I dont want to be a size 0 or anything, or even really skinny, just slim! Just normal.
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
Will I ever get slim if my brain won't let me?
Willpower, its all in the mind.
Grrr and I have precisely none of this, NONE! Its pathetic.
I am struggling with my own mind the last few days. This morning I had some hunger pangs and straightaway thought 'oh I'm going to get something nice off the food van (that visits my work in the morning) sod it I'm hungry'. For gods sake I'm ON A DIET!! When will my brain realise this. I cant just go to the van and get crisps and chocolate because I'm hungry and I feel like it, this is not really allowed when you're on a diet, its kind of the whole point. But its like because I'm hungry my brain makes it ok. Occasions like this make me wonder if I need some kind of therapy or treatment for my food habits. Am I ever going to get slim if my brain wont let me?!
Its a real battle somedays. I literally swing from wanting to eat everything and saying sod it I'm just going to do it, to 20 minutes later resolving to stick to my diet religiously and feeling guilty because I even dared to think I would slip up. Gods sake, its mental turmoil this dieting business.
On another note completely, I hate photos being taken without my knowledge. Why's that I hear you ask... well, because I havent been able to lift my head up a bit (to make the double chin disppear), or give the camera my best angle (this ones a struggle), or fluff my hair, or check my makeup. The list goes on. I've been caught unawares. This little note stems from a picture that was in a company newsletter without my realising I was even being photographed. I look FAT! My cheeks look like a hamster storing nuts, I have a double chin going on and I'm pulling a ridiculous face that only enhances all of these bad points. Urgh, is this what I look like to everyone else? Somestimes I look in the mirror and what I see aint all that bad. Sometimes I may even dare to say I look pretty. But when I see photos like this, me as I am not posing not primping, I wonder if I'm in denial. I know not everyone looks perfect on every photo, but I hate to think people will see this thinking this is what I always look like.
Ok, so hunger pangs have passed, I'm drinking a cup of tea (with sweetener not sugar). I can do this. One day at a time.
Grrr and I have precisely none of this, NONE! Its pathetic.
I am struggling with my own mind the last few days. This morning I had some hunger pangs and straightaway thought 'oh I'm going to get something nice off the food van (that visits my work in the morning) sod it I'm hungry'. For gods sake I'm ON A DIET!! When will my brain realise this. I cant just go to the van and get crisps and chocolate because I'm hungry and I feel like it, this is not really allowed when you're on a diet, its kind of the whole point. But its like because I'm hungry my brain makes it ok. Occasions like this make me wonder if I need some kind of therapy or treatment for my food habits. Am I ever going to get slim if my brain wont let me?!
Its a real battle somedays. I literally swing from wanting to eat everything and saying sod it I'm just going to do it, to 20 minutes later resolving to stick to my diet religiously and feeling guilty because I even dared to think I would slip up. Gods sake, its mental turmoil this dieting business.
On another note completely, I hate photos being taken without my knowledge. Why's that I hear you ask... well, because I havent been able to lift my head up a bit (to make the double chin disppear), or give the camera my best angle (this ones a struggle), or fluff my hair, or check my makeup. The list goes on. I've been caught unawares. This little note stems from a picture that was in a company newsletter without my realising I was even being photographed. I look FAT! My cheeks look like a hamster storing nuts, I have a double chin going on and I'm pulling a ridiculous face that only enhances all of these bad points. Urgh, is this what I look like to everyone else? Somestimes I look in the mirror and what I see aint all that bad. Sometimes I may even dare to say I look pretty. But when I see photos like this, me as I am not posing not primping, I wonder if I'm in denial. I know not everyone looks perfect on every photo, but I hate to think people will see this thinking this is what I always look like.
Ok, so hunger pangs have passed, I'm drinking a cup of tea (with sweetener not sugar). I can do this. One day at a time.
Monday, 19 October 2009
I'll start on Monday
The start of a new week... full of good intentions and enthusiasm.
Slim fast for breakfast, lots of cups of tea and glasses of water. Slim fast for lunch and more cups of tea and water and then gym after work. Thats the plan anyway. I already think I'm going to fail... how can I ever succeed when even before I start I think I will fail. I REALLY want to do it, I do. But it hasnt happened for me so many times. Ok this is getting a bit negative now.
I have said this before, but I spend so much time thinking about losing weight, what I'm eating, beating myself up for eating something I shouldnt have, sooo much time its ridiculous. It would be so amazing to pick whatever I want off the resturant menu and not think ooh should I really be eating that, is there a better option. Just to pick something I actually want. Guilt. My everyday life is full of it. Guilt, all day long. Its an excuse I know, but being on the large side is common in my family. My grandma, mum, sister have all been big (my sister is really good at losing weight though and is quite slim at the moment), as well as other family members. I dont want to be like that though, and I certainly dont want my kids to be like that. I suppose when I get slim, I will have to work really hard at it for the rest of my life. I can handle that, if it meant I was slim. I'd do anything.
Slim fast for breakfast, lots of cups of tea and glasses of water. Slim fast for lunch and more cups of tea and water and then gym after work. Thats the plan anyway. I already think I'm going to fail... how can I ever succeed when even before I start I think I will fail. I REALLY want to do it, I do. But it hasnt happened for me so many times. Ok this is getting a bit negative now.
I have said this before, but I spend so much time thinking about losing weight, what I'm eating, beating myself up for eating something I shouldnt have, sooo much time its ridiculous. It would be so amazing to pick whatever I want off the resturant menu and not think ooh should I really be eating that, is there a better option. Just to pick something I actually want. Guilt. My everyday life is full of it. Guilt, all day long. Its an excuse I know, but being on the large side is common in my family. My grandma, mum, sister have all been big (my sister is really good at losing weight though and is quite slim at the moment), as well as other family members. I dont want to be like that though, and I certainly dont want my kids to be like that. I suppose when I get slim, I will have to work really hard at it for the rest of my life. I can handle that, if it meant I was slim. I'd do anything.
Friday, 16 October 2009
Plodding Along
God I am useless at keeping up with this blog.
I will write a post and promise myself I will write again tomorrow... next thing I know 3 months have passed. Ok but I'm here now, right!
I'm still on the slim fast but the weight loss has slowed down dramatically, since I last posted I have lost another 11lbs. Which when you think its been 3 months is actually pretty poor. I think my body is 'plateuing' (no idea if thats the right spelling but you get my drift) i.e. its getting used to only having liquid for breakfast and lunch, and therefore it isnt having as much of an effect. If this is the case, aside from starving myself, I have no idea what else to do! I have been going to the gym 2-3 times a week to so I am just at a bit of a loss right now.
It totally makes me feel like well why the hell am I even trying if I go to all this hassle to lose a few measly pounds every few weeks.
I've started taking appetite suppresants as well.... yes I know I know diet pills are bad for you etc, but these arent strictly diet pills, they're appetite suppresants. You dont take them instead of food, just once in the morning and once in the afternoon in between meals. And it seems to be working.... When I used to get home I would be ravenous, but just lately I havent been as hungry and my stomach hasnt been growling as much. This may well be psychological, but even if it is its still working! Hey you know you love my logic :) So i'll keep taking em and see what happens.
I wonder if when I get slim, I can get used to it. I mean I have been overweight for so long now, I just cant imagine ever being slim and happy with my body. I often wonder what it must feel like to look in the mirror and be happy with what you see! To try on clothes and know they look good, rather then they just cover up the lumps and bumps. To go into a shop and know they will have your size. To eat a chocolate bar or chips in the street and not be self conscious people are looking at you thinking 'fat pig no wonder she's overweight'.
I was once eating quality street's as I was walking for the bus, had about 5 in my pocket and was just happily munching away. I went to cross a road and a car drove past, the passenger stuck their head out of the window and shouted 'FAT BITCH!'. I was about 15 at the time. I was so mortified I could have cried right there and then. But I didnt, I saved it for when I got home. I put the rest of the sweets in the nearest bin. People are so cruel arent they.
Life is just one long diet isnt it. Well it is in my life.
I will write a post and promise myself I will write again tomorrow... next thing I know 3 months have passed. Ok but I'm here now, right!
I'm still on the slim fast but the weight loss has slowed down dramatically, since I last posted I have lost another 11lbs. Which when you think its been 3 months is actually pretty poor. I think my body is 'plateuing' (no idea if thats the right spelling but you get my drift) i.e. its getting used to only having liquid for breakfast and lunch, and therefore it isnt having as much of an effect. If this is the case, aside from starving myself, I have no idea what else to do! I have been going to the gym 2-3 times a week to so I am just at a bit of a loss right now.
It totally makes me feel like well why the hell am I even trying if I go to all this hassle to lose a few measly pounds every few weeks.
I've started taking appetite suppresants as well.... yes I know I know diet pills are bad for you etc, but these arent strictly diet pills, they're appetite suppresants. You dont take them instead of food, just once in the morning and once in the afternoon in between meals. And it seems to be working.... When I used to get home I would be ravenous, but just lately I havent been as hungry and my stomach hasnt been growling as much. This may well be psychological, but even if it is its still working! Hey you know you love my logic :) So i'll keep taking em and see what happens.
I wonder if when I get slim, I can get used to it. I mean I have been overweight for so long now, I just cant imagine ever being slim and happy with my body. I often wonder what it must feel like to look in the mirror and be happy with what you see! To try on clothes and know they look good, rather then they just cover up the lumps and bumps. To go into a shop and know they will have your size. To eat a chocolate bar or chips in the street and not be self conscious people are looking at you thinking 'fat pig no wonder she's overweight'.
I was once eating quality street's as I was walking for the bus, had about 5 in my pocket and was just happily munching away. I went to cross a road and a car drove past, the passenger stuck their head out of the window and shouted 'FAT BITCH!'. I was about 15 at the time. I was so mortified I could have cried right there and then. But I didnt, I saved it for when I got home. I put the rest of the sweets in the nearest bin. People are so cruel arent they.
Life is just one long diet isnt it. Well it is in my life.
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