Food and Me

I was thinking yesterday about my relationship with food. It sounds so poncy put like that doesnt it.
I have never liked salad, veg; could take it or leave it. Always had a sweet tooth.
When I was around 5, my mum says all I would eat for weeks at a time was cold spaghetti hoops.
I remember being about 9, sat at the dinner table. Everyone else had salad with their tea and I refused to eat any. I didnt like the texture, and still dont. My Dad made me sit at the table until I ate a piece of lettuce. I think it took me about half an hour and I pretty much havent eaten any since that day!
I'm very funny about the texture of food, and the smell. If it doesnt smell right I absolutely cannot eat it. Im also funny about eating in front of other people, and other people eating in front of me. If someones eating horribly it totally puts me off my food, and I feel really self concious about eating in front of people I dont know, or dont know very well. I dont know where all these issues have come from. I've had them as long as I can remember.
I've used food as a comforter, a reward, to cure boredom. I've eaten when I'm happy, to celebrate. Food - the cure all.

I was writing out my shopping list yesterday and I had a moment where I was amazed at the things I was writing down. And the things I wanted to write down. Salmon, veg, more veg, chopped toms, quorn, cous cous.... But it got me thinking that whilst I enjoy a lot of what I eat, if I'm honest I'm only really eating it in order to lose weight. And this thought scared me a little, am I going to be able to maintain this when I get to target. I guess nobody really knows. Hopefully by then I will love all the food I'm eating and will really want to stick with eating it.
I think I'm getting there slowly. When I think of the food I used to eat every night-pizza and chips, chicken and chips, spag bol, stodge stodge stodge basically-beige stodge, I couldnt stomach it anymore. The thought of it actually makes me feel a little ill! I used to eat so many chips, now I have them once a week if that on my meal off after weigh in.
So maybe I'm doing better mentally than I think I am.
Its so hard to change your way of thinking though. I've lost 17lb so far and although I can see that my trousers are getting loser, I dont feel like I look any different at all. And no-one has really said I look like I've lost weight either. These people dont know I'm on a diet granted, but I would have hoped someone would have noticed by now. Maybe after another stone or so it will become really noticeable.

I really dont want to sound negative about the whole issue, so I hope it isnt coming across that way. I am absolutely ecstatic about losing 17lbs, its the best I've done for absolutely ages and I feel positive about the weeks to come.
All I'm doing is trying to figure out - probably for myself more than anyone - why I'm in this situation and the things I'm going through.