A Small Blip

Phew, its been a busy week.. hence the not much posting.

I've had a good week in terms of SW, done lots of exercise and drank LOTS of water. BUT..
Stayed the same at weigh in last night :( I was so so disappointed. When I think I STS over Christmas when I was eating some naughty stuff, I cant believe a week like I've just had would produce the same result.
The only thing I can think that would have affected it is the fact I started my period this week (sorry if TMI!) and that can sometimes cause a result like this.
Whatever the reason, I was absolutely GUTTED.

Now, I am a cryer. I cry mostly out of frustration a lot of the time, and once its coming I cant usually stop it. I held it in at the SW class, but as soon as I was in the car out came the tears. I think this week it was because I felt really robbed. I had a good week and had nothing to show for it. It almost feels like a wasted week. I know that sounds dramatic but when you know in your heart you have really given it 100% and you are expecting a loss, its a disappointing shock when you stand on the scales and nothing changes.
It really is an emotional rollercoaster being on a diet. Especially one like this where once a week you are accountable for your actions - if you have been naughty you are only cheating yourself, and more often than not it will show on the scales. (Though there are some annoying people who seem to get away with having naughty weekends etc and still lose. I am definitely not one of them. If I so much as look at a cream cake I put on 1lb).

After the tears had stopped, and I had calmed down a little, I became quite determined that I would not let this ruin next weeks result. In the past I may have been tempted to give up at this point. Or start to be naughty thinking 'well I dont lose if I stick to it so why bother'. But I didnt have that thought in my head at all. In fact quite the opposite. I think it made me realise that this time I am so so determined. And I am not going to give up until I get there. It really has clicked for me this time.

So here I am at the start of another week. Determined to have another saintly 7 days and hopefully see the results this time.

I feel sometimes like I put a lot of pressure on myself. No-one else is pressuring me, least of all my husband. He's such a great support and is happy with any loss at all each week. But when I dont do so well like this week I feel like I am letting people down, and like I'm no good and why isnt it working for me.

I'm also TTC at the moment. (trying to conceive for those of you not au faix with the lingo). We've been trying for 5 months now and I feel a little under pressure from that too. I know I'm overweight and I'm doing something to try and sort that. But heavier people than me get pregnant so that cant be the only reason its not catching.
Maybe I was a little naive when we started trying. I thought it would happen in a couple of months, but so far nothing. Its quite upsetting. We are both longing for a baby and we've done it right - been together 10 years this year and married for 2. Decided to wait until we feel ready emotionally and financially, so it feels a little unfair that we dont get pregnant at the drop of a hat like some people seem to.
I'm 30 in a couple of months, and it scares me that I'll be trying for my first baby in my 30's. All the medical advice seems to say it starts to get harder when you turn 30. Also I would like 2 or 3 kids so I will be in my mid 30's by the time I'm trying for those.
Anyways, as you can see I tend to get in quite a tiz about it once I get going. I'm trying to stay calm but the longer it goes on the more convinced I am that something is wrong with me or my husband.

I guess regarding both issues, I just have to keep plodding on and trying to stay positive. And not falling into old habits like giving up at the first hurdle.