Biting the bullet

I cant believe its been nearly a week since I last posted. I do have a good excuse for this however as I have been ill for the last 6 days and off work for 3 of those days, so have been resting up in bed for most of it. Unfortunately this has not made me lose any weight, mores the pity. When I had a flu a couple of years back I lost 7 lbs in 3 days, it was almost worth being ill for! I was so chuffed when I weighed myself. It all soon piled back on though when I actually started eating again.

I bit the bullet and joined weight watchers last night. I just think not having any pressure each week ( i.e. getting weighed by a class leader and paying for the privilege) means I dont try as hard. Its like theres no-one to answer to so sometimes I cheat. How stupid is that, I am only cheating myself. Sometimes I think I have mental issues I really do. I talk to myself a lot, in my head of course not out loud, except when im on my own at home.
But back to the cheating thing, I have an ingrained train of though relating to food, if I know I will be home alone one night, I immediately think hmm what can I buy to eat seen as im by myself and no-one will see/know. God when I write this down it seems even more absurd. One time I bought a box of cakes, but my eyes were bigger then my belly and I couldnt eat them all in the one night I had to myself. So I had to put the rest in a plastic bag, tie it up and shove it to the bottom of the bin so the other half couldnt see. What a waste. And one time, I am ashamed to say I did something similar, and the next night when he went out I took it out of the bin and ate it. Urrggh that is so gross I cant actually believe I did it. The things we do in secret.

So I am on my second day of weight watchers and hoping its going to work out for me. I want to spend at least a couple of years of my twenties skinny. I have wasted so many years being like this and totally unhappy with my body.