God and the skinny jeans..

After my last post saying I cant believe how long its been since I posted, it has again now been awhile, oops...

So I joined weight watchers, and weighed pretty much what I expected I would. I stayed for the class afterwards as well as they always say you should really. It was ok, I have to admit im not a massive fan of these type of things, I always feel a bit like I dont want to be sat here in a room full of fat people. Thats so mean isnt it, because they're just the same as me, all wanting to get slim and fell better about themselves.

Anywho, it was my birthday a few days ago and me and the other half went on a little stayover somewhere different, and of course I ate a few things I shouldnt have, well 'it was my birthday!' after all. Theres always an excuse aint there. I had a lovely two days but was a bit naughty food wise. So I didnt go to the weightwatchers class (which was the day after my birthday!!) as I didnt want to pay for someone to tell me I had put on weight, I knew I had. I got right back on it wednesday though, and have stuck to it rigidly since then. Did some exercise yesterday too.

I have said this before but there really isnt a day goes by where I dont think about my weight. I went to a clothes shop yesterday to see if there was anything I could spend my birthday money on, and the usual 'looks good on the shelf.. but not on me' situation happened. I tried on a dress and looked like a bag of spuds. Its amusing writing it down now but at the time its so depressing. Sometimes I close my eyes and wish with all my heart, that when I open them I will be slim and look fantastic. Its childish I know.

I used to go to church when I was younger, and I distinctly remember visiting a friends house and we were playing dress up (note I was actually about 13 at the time) she gave me her older sisters clothes as I was too big to fit in her clothes, she was very slim. I went into the bathroom and tried on the jeans and couldnt get them past my thighs, I nearly cried. I closed my eyes and PLEADED with God to let the jeans fit, please please please let these fit when I open my eyes. I promised him all sorts and prayed and prayed. But the jeans still didnt fit. When I think back about it now, I genuinely thought this was a reasonable thing to do! If only it was so easy.

When most people start a diet, they think 'I want to get slim, so im going to start watching what I eat and do this until I am slim' its easy, its logical. When I start a diet its usually begrudgingly, I think urgh ive got this awful thing to do, this chore, and why shouldnt I be allowed to eat what I want, if I feel like a pizza I should just be allowed a pizza. Its really pathetic isnt it. I need to change my attitude, im doing this for me, to make me feel better and to make me healthier. And if I cheat im only cheating myself, no-one else.