On a Downer

I apologise upfront for this post.. its gona be a real downer so look away now if you want.

I am feeling really fed up and sad today. Really really fed up and down.
I feel like my diet is going tits up and its all my fault for not sticking to it properly. I cant seem to snap out of this rut and feel like I'm wasting my money every week. Last week I STS, week before I lost 1.5lb, week before that I STS. Its feels like ground hog day - small loss-sts-small loss-sts. I know its my fault, I'm slipping into old habits then trying to rectify it before weigh in day by not eating very much or just having soup or something. This is what I used to do when I got desperate to lose. I feel stressed about it and I'm starting to dread every weigh in now. I feel like I've done so well so far, and I know I can go all the way. But theres a wall in front of me and right now its 200ft high and smooth as marble. And I cant get my head around how to scale it.

Also.. and this is the only place I feel I can talk about it (with it being semi anonymous), trying for a baby is starting to fall apart.
Every month is like a rollercoaster, excitement of trying and then symptom spotting, then waiting to test then getting a negative. Its so utterley disappointing every month and I dont think I can take much more. I know it sounds abit dramatic as we've only been trying 6 months, but I never thought it would take so long and the longer it goes on the more I have a sinking feeling that something is physically wrong with me or my husband.
I see all these people on facebook etc posting about being pregnant, and I am happy for them, but at the same time I'm insanely jealous. I dont want to feel like this. I dont want to turn into an obsessive monster about it I really dont.
I keep thinking why not me, why isnt it my turn, when will it be my turn, whats wrong with me.

Me and husband fell out big time last night. He is very very private and didnt want me telling any family or close friends (or anyone at all) about the fact that we have started trying. I was annoyed but kept to it for months..until last night. I met with a friend for tea and we started talking about babies (we're both at an age where this gets talked about a lot) and it just slipped out. She is soo happy for us.
When I got home I slipped up in conversation and let slip I had told her. Hubby went mad. Says he cant trust me and is so disappointed. I reacted quite badly to that as I feel as though I have been keeping everything inside and cant really discuss how I'm feeling with anyone. I said I already feel stressed, upset etc and now guilty on top of that.

I feel like giving up. I feel like its never gona happen so why bother. I feel so pathetic for feeling so upset and talking about giving up already..

So there, I did warn you. I guess the two issues are inevitably related. Whats a girl to do, seriously tell me. I have no clue and no-one to turn to.